Nilza I. Cruz Ruiz
May 29, 2017
The
overall circumstances and unique social, cultural and economic situations we’ve
been facing in Puerto Rico have served as motivation for sharing my story.
New York, New York
In
June 1966, I began my physical journey into this world born in the Jacobi Hospital
located in the Bronx, NY to my beloved parents Manuel and Carmen. Both, Puerto
Rican immigrants who moved to New York in the quest for the American Dream. I
have an elder sibling, Manuel Jr. Dad, a hard-working butcher who worked mainly
at racetrack restaurants and mom, a housewife. Neither completed high school before
migrating to the big apple. They spoke very little English. We lived in the
Bronx, at 525 Rosedale Ave. Apt. 1G. It was a two (2) room apartment one (1)
bathroom, small living room and very tight kitchen/diner. My brother and I
shared one bedroom. This was part of a housing project (like the caseríos in PR) surrounded by
“bodegas”, people who would call us “fucking Porto Ricans” each time the saw
us, and other nicer folks. I was never allowed to go out and “play” unless
accompanied by one of my parents; oh, and because I was a girl and “girls were
never to be left alone”. I wasn’t even allowed to go to a baseball game with
dad and my brother just for being a girl!
With
much sacrifices, they (my parents) sent my brother and myself a couple of years
to Holy Cross, a catholic school in the Bronx. I loved the school. I remember
my teachers were “Brothers”, “Sisters” and a faculty composed mainly of Jewish,
Polish and/or Italian backgrounds. This intrigued me. I loved the fact that my
gym teacher was “Brother Frank” (with the long brown cloak), my math teacher
was “Sister Christopher Joseph” (a nun), and my math teacher was not a nun, but
Polish, and very “smart”; at least, from my perspective. For another couple of years, when Dad couldn’t
afford Holy Cross, my brother and I attended PS 169, a public-school right
across the street from our previous one. It was hard, but we had to adapt, the
hard way; either do it, or do it! But not going to school was NOT an option.
Our
daily journey to school was a fifteen (15) minute daily walk in the morning, and
in the afternoon. Mom would always walk us! I loved to learn, discover, and be
creative. I remember asking so many questions. All related to the why, how,
when where, etc. I was a daydreamer. This was my nature. Many times,
transposing concepts or the abstracts I thought about or created about certain conceptions;
(many of them math or science related), into new “things” I could discover, “see”
and just continue to think about. Then
the intersections of what I could “see” with experiences in my daily life, and
other concepts I either read or was introduced to in school, or simply by the
owner of the nearest bodega; Mr. Abelardo. I loved this feeling, and oh, I was
very insistent in understanding. How? I would always read, understand, and draw
what I read and understood, and then connected with the existing and other
logical concepts. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and I would narrate
what I understood, looking for my own approval and meeting of my own mind with
that of the author’s. It was a kind of game; the game of understanding which
required a hell of a lot of perseverance.
At home, it was
both my parents, and my parent’s family and friends in New York, speaking
Spanish all the time. As for the music, it was Willie Colon, La Fania, Hector
Lavoe and salsa all the way. It was an exquisite menu of rice and beans, fried
eggs, corned beef, salami, Italian bread (which I loved), and especially for
dad, Colt 45, Budweiser or Schaeffer. During the weekends, I would bring beer
to my dad, open them, and of course, grab a sip! It was cold as hell during the
winter and dry hot during the summer, my favorite part of the year. We would
visit Orchard Beach with a pot of rice, cheese puffs, beer, and a blanket for
the family. And oh, the Puerto Rican parade. That was it! I could understand
Spanish, but hardly speak it.
Off to “Porto Rico”
Spring 1976. For
reasons I have to be frank about and confess I still do not entirely
understand, mom decided my brother and myself would re-locate or move with HER
to Puerto Rico. She said the island was beautiful and we would live a much
better life in a beautiful “private home”, different from the projects we were
living at. She would also tell us about the “flamboyanes” and beautiful
beaches. So off we were to the island in July 1976. We arrived at Puerto Rico
to the town (county, if you will) of Cabo Rojo. In Cabo Rojo, we lived in a
neighborhood (“barrio”) named “Parabueyon”, a rural area with a lot of sugar
cane and dirt streets. A small town
located at the south west part of the island and minutes away from beautiful
beaches. We moved in with mom’s father (elderly 78 year old-“Jovino”, whom my
brother and I never met), and her youngest brother, my uncle “Tato”. The house, a three room wooden home with a zinc
roof. The side wood had quite a few holes, and the floor was also wooden with
many holes as well. The foundation of
the wooden house was composed of a few wooden plinths (zócalos) embedded in
clay. It was full of bugs and during the evenings, bats and giant cockroaches
would make frequent visits. This pretty much framed the beginning our new
environment. Mom, my brother and I slept in the same bed which mattress was
terribly uncomfortable. At the time, I was 11 and very upset. It was soon to be
August and on the island school would begin in this month.
So off we went to
Saint Augustine School in Cabo Rojo. Even though mom didn’t have a job, she
relied on the fact that dad would send her enough money to make monthly payments
for my brother and I catholic school tuition. Off we went. We began in our new school. I didn’t speak
the language, I lived in a very poor home in a very poor “barrio” and here I
was in a private school commencing my 6th grade. But of course, the
kids at school named me “la jÍbara muda de parabueyon” (the country mute girl from
the “hood”). I didn’t even understand what this meant, but I remember the deceptive
laughs and making fun of me. There was a lot going on. The radical environment
change, the school, the mean kids, and the economic limits. You see, many years
later I learned dad was either unemployed or employed with less income, and it
was extremely hard for him to keep us with private school payments, food, etc.
Oh, and mom didn’t work. Shortly after, mom was on welfare. She received food
stamps and health benefits from the Puerto Rico Commonwealth. I clearly recall one day I went with her to
the supermarket for groceries. In a particular aisle, I spotted a “Cosmopolitan”
magazine with an executive image of a woman on the cover. I immediately said to
myself, “I don’t know how, but I am going to be an executive”. Even though mom was receiving
assistance from the government, I was just not happy with the feeling of dependence.
I felt embarrassed.
Mom defaulted at
our school payments. With luck, my brother received a sports scholarship at
Saint Augustine and even though I was also in the volleyball team, (yes me),
the scholarship was just for one; my brother. So mom continued defaulting on my
payments and there were many times I was scolded by school administration in
front of my classmates because my mom didn’t pay. At home, it was eating
whenever there was food depending on food stamps, grabbing mangos and coconuts
from nearby trees, and supporting the most terrible menstrual pains with no
medication what so ever. Mom just said: “there’s no medicine, take the pain”.
Tough for a teen! But there’s something
I could tell you, this was reality.
And it was up to myself to be / or not, whatever it was I wanted to become in
the future. Of course, there were days with no food, embarrassments, no money,
bugs, bats, cockroaches and a lot of fear. Mom did what she could. Dad, also.
It was NOT their fault. I had a great
cousin who was kind enough to help me in my Spanish, and in school, I focused
on getting good grades (studying twice or maybe triple as hard because lectures
were in Spanish), and in volleyball. Boy did that volleyball help me focus. The
sport exploited my competitive side and shielded my poverty. I felt like the
“Queen of el Barrio Parabueyon”. I
always wanted to help and lead. I was president of my class at the 11th
grade and fought for equality amongst my classmates. I almost got expelled from
grade 11 for not agreeing with naming a student who was included as member of
the National Honor Society with a GPA of 2.50 , but his parents were very
generous in $ contributions to the school. Of course, I was punished with not
being part of the Honor Society myself at senior year with a 3.55 GPA and
complied with all requirements. Also, I was demoted to VP of my class. What was
new? I did get the message across!
After so much
adversity, I managed to graduate thanks to Sister Anne Eugene, school director
at the time, who pardoned my mother’s tuition debt with the school and my
“faulty” actions with the National Honor Society kid incident. She understood I
was a leader and she believed I would someday be very successful. Thanks Sister
Anne!!!
I
applied to the University of Puerto Rico, Mayaguez Campus. I wanted to study
Pure Mathematics just because I loved math, it satisfied my intellectual challenges,
and I understood it could help me establish a frame of mind or thought for my
ongoing curiosity of things and inquisitive thoughts, imagination, and
creativity. I was accepted!!! So in August, 1984 I began my undergraduate
studies. I would rely on public transportation, the food stamps mom continued
receiving, state health program, the federal Pell grant, and a part time job at
Almacenes Rodriguez (shore & purse store) at the Mayaguez Mall as a cashier
for the next four (4) years. To make ends meet, I learned how to sew my own
clothes (using an old Singer sewing machine Dad sent me from New York) to go to
work at the Mall. I didn’t sleep at
least 3 out of 7 days a week. I helped support mom as well. There were times I
cried and cried, because sometimes it seemed impossible, but I graduated from Pure
Mathematics with a minor in Statistics in May, 1989, even though I completed
required undergrad credits in December 1988. In May, 1989, I received a job
offer from the NSA, which I refused just to stay in PR and support mom. I know,
it was a tough decision, which I don’t regret! In enrolled in graduate school
of the Mayaguez Campus to pursue my MS in applied statistics in August, 1989.
During this time, I was a TA at the Mayaguez undergrad school of mathematics.
At the same time, I taught Geometry and Pre-Calculus at a private high school
at Mayaguez. It was a nice experience, up until the director of the school
instructed me to change a student’s grade from 81% to 91% in Geometry because
the student wanted to pursue studies in engineering in the US and 81% in
Geometry (what was earned) wouldn’t help much. This was a huge deception for me
yet a great experience; of life. I denied the petition and handed my letter of
resignation effective immediately. This was totally against my work ethics; and
most important; to my understanding, this action would not help this student.
Bull’s Eye
By
1991, I was convinced I wanted to move from the southwest part of the island to the capital of Puerto Rico. A place I had
only visited once: San Juan. My brother’s mother n’ law sent me a newspaper add
which stated that the Office of the Commissioner of Insurance in San Juan was
seeking for an ”Auxiliary Actuary”. So I went for it. I embraced a three hour
ride from Cabo Rojo to San Juan in my 1979 Omega which lacked air conditioning.
And there it was! I got the job which would pay me (net) $630.00 a month. This,
for rent, food, gas, etc. But from this point on, I entered the insurance
industry as Underwriting Trainee, Commercial Lines Underwriter, Quality
Administrator, and at 30 years, I was Vice President at a Multinational
Insurance Company. Excellent pay, benefits, Banker’s Club privileges, great
office, parking, golf. Oh, and in the Financial District of PR in San Juan! Bull’s
eye!! I was finally the executive woman I had pictured back in 1981! In
parallel, I completed an MBA and graduate certification in the Insurance
Institute of Philadelphia and the College of Insurance in New York. Not to mention my traveling to home office in
Miami and great worldwide learning experiences!
It’s
not as beautiful as expressed. There were lessons learned the hard way.
Components related with internal politics, rules and regulations, culture, and
behavior are embedded within performance and results obtained conformed great
part of said lessons. Within these organizational frames of work, said
components, especially rules and regulations, are meant to be followed. All
eyes are on our performance, which means we are not only perceived as the results
we obtain, but how are we as leaders, as a function of how well we can
“navigate” within the organizational landscapes, and internal politics play a
critical role in this navigation quest. What is fair for us may be perceived in
a different manner by others, in an intentional or non-intentional manner. It
all depends… as a professor, mentor and someone very close whom I’ve learned
very much from, has taught me.
I
learned that even though I was trained as a scientist, we need not always
communicate as scientists, subject to who our audience is. We need to
understand and accept that social and cultural components should always be
considered in studies we conduct. Also, the art of negotiations. Obtaining
balances, and carefully identifying and understanding tradeoffs; from all
sides.
But
as of today, I am part of the big picture: PUERTO RICO. I am continuously
conducting research and studies with a group of associates geared towards the
interrelations of mathematics, statistics, physics, finance, social sciences, arts,
law and economy with the development of organizational landscapes that would
promote higher levels of efficiency within government and private ecosystems.
In particular, health and academic systems.
Time to Move On
Time
passed and I had two beautiful kids. Sofi, almost 19, and Jean, soon to be 17.
After a second Vice President position in another Multinational Insurance
Company, I was self-employed for many years. During 2011 and 2012, I worked
directly with a special musical project at the PR Conservatory of Music, geared
towards providing needy children in PR the opportunity of discovering and
expressing their creativity by playing an instrument and forming part of an
orchestra. This would also provide them discipline. It was in December 2012
that I was invited to join the management team of the Puerto Rico Medical
Services Administration. At first, awkward. But after much thought, I was born
in a public hospital in New York, and I was raised under the Puerto Rico’s
public health system; at the time; Arbona System. Why not try public service
within the public system I myself grew up in? Of course, now the Model was
based on the Health Reform System, not Arbona, but why not contribute to make
it better? This was my frame of mind and I accepted. But thinking about the job
and accepting is one thing, but being part of the system, I mean, is another.
Talking with patients and families receiving health services in the emergency
room, outpatient clinics, and other facilities within the medical center make
you really UNDERSTAND that there are people in need, and expect much
from public service employees. We need to continue to be their role models, and
continue to research and study alternate and more efficient methods from which
they, the people of Puerto Rico, the private sector and all components which
constitute our island’s macro-economy can benefit. We need to step up as leaders
and be more creative. We need to continually research and study, no matter our
age!! Education and leadership are key. We need to promote these qualities we
all have in a NON POLITICAL MATTER. As Former Medical Service Administrator, I
gained knowledge to understand how I can contribute to make Puerto Rico in a
better place towards achieving all goals, macroeconomic, financial,
organizational, cultural, and behavioral.
This
is what I’m focused on along with an exceptional group of professionals.
Another thing, we cannot work alone. We are responsible for assembling networks
that will help us achieve our endeavors.
I
barely slept or ate for a long time, but it wasn’t impossible. As part of our
system, there are rules to follow. Following them or not will always generate
causal loop feedbacks, but we have to increase levels of perseverance, be wise
and obtain balances within everything we work on or achieve. Let’s be open to dimensions we have not seen,
but are very close to us. We see because
we promote ourselves to “seeing”, outside of existing models or frames of work. Where we are today, or where we’ll be
tomorrow, depends on us, and where our minds and creativity position us, along
with the intersections we promote with groups of people and other components
associated with our islands economic, organizational, fiscal, and social
landscapes.
I say, Yes…We Can!
To
our students…… let’s be instruments of change, in a balanced and well thought
manner!